2/28/18 Today is a perfect day to do something new.
I’ve worked in the service industry for the last five years. I left college at the end of my third semester, amidst an active struggle with alcohol abuse and crisis of identity, emboldened by a plan to write – to become a novelist! To toil my way to success, sweating over the keys of my laptop, unburdened by the stress of classes or the costs of school, supporting myself through the flexible hours of the service industry.
It might be pertinent to mention now: I’ve never published anything. The traditional adage should be, “But not for lack of trying,” except it really is. Five years. Barbacking, bartending, waiting tables, moving to new cities. I tried and succeeded in many ventures. To be honest, I didn’t try all that hard on this. I was too busy… busy managing the cost of my job.
Stress is a pretty fundamental human experience. It’s one of those negative emotions we can’t possibly avoid and that even serves a valuable function. However, I think there’s some dangerous advice floating around out there, advise that lists stress as an emotion that people should stop trying to avoid. Stress leads to high blood pressure, heart attacks, bad sleep, poor diets, socially damaging behaviors, and acne. I would agree that none of us should expect it possible to avoid stress. In fact, there is productive value in pursuing some. But mostly, no, stress is something that we all manage poorly and somebody needs to kill it. Kill it with fire.
I spent most of my time while being a good server on managing and mastering my stress. After an admittedly long and brutal period utilizing alcohol to this end, I started to make real headway. I got really good at being a strong server/bartender and a calm, happy person – who only wrote any significant amount for maybe five two-week periods throughout the year, but you can’t win at everything, right?
Last year, I actually did a pretty exceptional job making it all fit together. The restaurant I worked at was the best place I’d found myself since starting out in 2013. My hours were light. My tips were rewarding enough. I could encourage my fiance through her undergrad classes. I found new experiences that I genuinely loved repeating and exploring. I read several books. I wrote, while not a professional amount, more than I had been. By the end of the year, the atmosphere at work was looking down. A smog of mediocrity had slumped in somehow, and many of the best employees began jumping ship. Rumors and reports had circulated for a couple of years that our industry was heavily on the decline. I didn’t take them to heart. And I didn’t allow myself to get bent out of shape by those inevitable ungrateful clientele.
Then came a night in early January, following a massively under-performing holiday season, when I was the last server taking tables, and I had a descent crowd of people. There was a large family celebrating a birthday. We laughed about Star Wars together, and I gave their teenage son a jokingly hard time. Some regulars of mine joined us. Their son is Deaf, and when they sit in my section I do my best to recall the ASL I studied my freshman year of high school in order to give him a special experience. One of the other last tables was a couple – attractive, quite young, and they’d never been to our restaurant before. I informed them of a couple of our culinary philosophies regarding fresh ingredients. I recommended a couple of my favorite cocktails and dishes, I didn’t ask about their lives to any particularly social extent, only asking them how their day was going, if they’d had a fun New Years, and if they’re food and drinks were enjoyable or needed any adjustment along the way. They paid partly with a gift card and tipped $5 on $85. On their check they wrote, “We are not your friends. It’s off putting. Get on your game.” I took that piece of paper to my manager, who also couldn’t believe what he saw. I decided not to quit then and there and instead have been scheduled only two days a week ever since.
I had a five book series planned back in 2012. I still have it, locked like a steamer trunk in my brain, shifting around up there until the ship docks on a shore where I’m comfortable letting it loose.
In December, I made a few goals for myself that I’ve kept to rather well:
- No cigarettes in 2018 (check so far!)
- Write every day (I give myself a B thanks to a week and half with the flu)
- Eat every day (I have trouble noticing that I’m hungry)
- Have abs by the time my fiance finishes her study abroad program this July
- Leave the service industry forever
During February, I also reclaimed my sleep schedule, which in January had me going to bed between 4 and 5 AM. I’m sitting comfortably at 2 AM these days, and I think that’s enough growth for now. Something else that’s really cool: after years of making homemade hot sauce to let off steam, I’ve finally come up with a recipe for the perfect one! Maybe I’ll share how I did it.
And yesterday, I thought of a phrase my dad and I would use when the mechanisms of the universe were working out in our favor – our Favoring Wind. I thought about methods I employ to make my days better and the effort I expend to, despite the obstacles, grow. I remembered that I have an Advocate who intercedes on my behalf and that I have a favoring wind blowing for me if I have the wherewithal to catch it in my sails. So I registered this domain name and figured I’d make the rest of this journey with some company.
No matter how digital our lives become, have hobbies that you perform by hand.
The Favoring Wind 