This is Jane.
Jane has a gun.
Jane bought her gun at Walmart.
Can you buy your gun at Walmart?
Jane bought her gun without a citizenship.
Isn’t it nice that our constitution works without citizenship?
Jane’s gun is an automatic assault rifle with alternating safety, night-vision laser scope, and leather grip.
Is your gun an automatic assault rifle with alternating safety, night-vision laser scope, and leather grip?
Why not?
You could buy any gun you want with the internet.
Have you bought a gun on the internet?
Jane’s gun can fire 200 rounds per minute.
She takes it to the store.
She takes it to the gym.
Look at all of the places that Jane can take her gun.
Jane keeps her gun in her purse.
Is your purse as big as Jane’s purse?
Jane is afraid of being overpowered by a man.
Men are afraid of 200 rounds per minute.
Everyone is afraid of lions.
Lions are from Africa.
Jane’s neighbors are from Africa.
Look at all of the things from Africa that Jane is afraid of.
Jane would never visit Africa.
She is bothered by their sad commercials.
Jane used to live in London.
When Jane was little, Jane wished that she was the Queen.
She pretended to be the queen of her bedroom.
Jane is now an actuary.
These are some of Jane’s accounts.
Can you handle as many accounts as Jane can?
Jane still pretends to be the queen.
This is Tom.
Tom is dating Jane.
Jane makes Tom pretend, too.
Do your parents play make-believe like Tom and Jane do?
Now, it’s Tom’s turn to pick a game.
“Cowboys and Indians!” says Tom.
“Bang, bang!” he says.
Uh, oh. Jane thought Tom’s fingers were a real gun.
“200 rounds a minute!” says Jane’s purse.
“My knees!” says Tom.
See Jane and Tom drive to the doctor.
See Dr. Scott hand Tom a wheelchair..
Jane prefers the doctors on the internet.
Tom preferred standard parking.
No one is happy at the doctor,
Except for Dr. Scott.
Dr. Scott gets paid well.
Everyone is nice to Dr. Scott.
Do you want to have a job like Dr. Scott someday?
Jane and Tom do.
Jane wishes that she tried in college.
Jane should not have picked a party school.
Do you know where you want to go to college?
Why not?
Dr. Scott knew.
Can’t you be as good as Dr. Scott?
Jane resents Dr. Scott.
Tom resents Jane more.
Jane’s mother doesn’t resent Jane.
She wishes Jane would call.
See Jane take her purse to the nursing home.
What a large purse she’s still allowed to have!
See Tom and Jane fight about gun laws.
See how many guns her friends have.
Dr. Scott bought a gun today and plays make-believe with it.
“Pew, pew!” says the doctor.
That’s not how you play with a gun, Dr. Scott!
Look at how many people Jane knows.
Jane can count every person she has ever met.
Here they are on social media.
Would you like to have as many friends as Jane has?
You can make any friend you want on the internet.
Jane writes an article about what happened to Tom and posts it online.
“Too bad it was my now-ex-boyfriend and not a real attacker,” she writes.
“Good thing I keep my gun loaded.”
Isn’t it nice that Jane is allowed on the internet?
Look at all of the places Jane is allowed to go.
The end.
*Any resemblance to preexisting Janes, living, dead, or fictional, is either coincidental or satirical. The target audience is unclear. Nothing about this was constructive.
© July 2018
The Favoring Wind 